Birthday

FLY KITE WITH BABY !!

Sweetest necklace from baby ! ^^
Dress from Willyn and fiona . Wallet from Juliana ! ^^
Balloon from baby !!

Had a awesome day with friends and baby ! Met baby at his house at 9.20 . Sorry , i was late ! HEHE ! After tt met willyn at Yishun cold storage . Bought our stuff for th picnic !! Headed off to marina bay to meet fiona and juliana and soon to MARINA BARRAGE ! Laid out our picnic mat and had a hard time doing eat due to strong wind! HAHA !! Started to open my presents !! Dress from willyn and fiona , wallet from juliana and th necklace from my sweetest boyfr ! Tell him save money alr bu ting hua ! Got smash cream by willyn after tt and we started to eat !! HAHA ! Never thought tt mayo tuna is tt nice ! HAHA !! Started to munch on chips ! Wanted to play scrabble but we couldnt figure out how to play so Ohwell ~ So we started to play UNO ! Second one to win ! HEHE ! Then went to fly kite with laogong ! It was successful !! HEHE ! HIGH !! Except for th part when there is no wind and i started to run around like a mad women but it still failed and fell ._. Went to play in th water will willyn and juliana too ! HAHA ! Headed to baby's house again ! His turn to open th present fr our 7 month ! HEHE ! Cabbed home after a long day !

Guys , thankyou fr such a memorable and wonderful day !! Love you !!

Baby , you made this day possible fr me too . And yr surprise worked out well ! I LOVE YOU !! I'll always remember this first birthday we spent tgt !

Feeling so fly

Holidays are such a bore esp when Im stuck at home ): I need to go to town to have my shopping spree !! I need to go etude house to get my mask and lotions !! I want tt damm jacket from metro ! DAMM ! Money can you pls fall from th sky ??! Daddy have not gave me my pocket money ! ):
Okay ,Im just typing crap because i seriously have nothing to do . And plus im lazy to pack my stuff when i have not bought my books fr next year .LOL . Slow right ? I know , HAHA ! I dont know what to do at home , I've finished all my korean drama and done with all my piano pieces . I want to go jogging but no one is there to accompany me ): . Okay , I KNOW . Im just talking nonsence because i'm just DEAD BORED !

Simple

HAPPY 7th MONTHSARY BABY !!

Yesterday went out with baby to town ! Simple but enjoyable . Went to toast box at somerset for breakfast , than headed to plaza singapura . It have been a long time since we went to town tgt ! HEHE ! Wanted to watch a movie but decided not to . Shopped around plaza singapura . Headed to Tomato for lunch , baby kept giving me food . Gonna grow fat ! HAHA !!

Baby was not feeling well , hope tt you're alright now .

Dearest ,

It has been an long and we've gone through alot these 7 months . Those sweetness were there and still here . Those misery i've suffered , are all fading . Because you're back by side , fully i hope . Everything you gave me , I'll never forget and i am always thankful fr all tt you have done fr me . When i need you , you're always by my side . I'll never take it fr granted . I love you baby , so much more than what i thought i would . You left me once , after all these hurdles , you came back . And i believe tt we are meant to me . As we grow old together , as we continue to change in age but there is one thing tt will never change . Its tt i'll just keep falling in love with you . If time can turn back , I'll still choose to fall in love with you again . I've no regrets , but just happiness with you . Th love you gave me , I'll always cherish and its a fact tt I LOVE YOU !

Baby , i cant wait to celebrate our other days together , i cant wait to pass my days with you because you're just th one i want . I'll always trust and believe in you and believe in our love . Bibi , HAPPY 7 MONTHSARY !! I LOVE YOU !

Time

I've learnt my lesson .
There is no way am i going to choose to see things tt will hurt me down deep . I've had enough of looking at all those stuff which I dont wish to see but see it accidentally . Its just killing me deep down . I dont want to control yr social life or anything so i decided not to tell you .
I dont want to see any of those nonsence to hurt myself anymore . I'll tolerate until one day when i cant take it anymore and when this happens , I have no idea what will I do . Enough is enough . Fucking flirt . _l_

Rewriting

I doubt you will read this space of mine anymore . Lol ..

You let me go and you held me back . Im happy . Thanks .

I thought no matter how much this changed . You would at least still ask , whether was I alright . I thought at least when you knew how cold i was , you would hug me tight like before but i guess its all fading . Catherine ask me , why do i keep everything to myself , i just tell her because i dont want to be a burden , " I just want to be there for him when he needs me , it doesnt matter if he pushes me away when he doesnt.. " These 10 days when we seperated , i was fading and she was coming into th picture . Do you know how delighted and happy i was when you told me to be yours again ? Too happy tt i teared . How foolish , when i know all this will not be th same anymore . First time , when you held me back again , I was overjoyed ! I held on hope tt we will be th same as before , but now its all gone . I know deep down , no matter how much i try , no matter how much i pray , I will never be th shining one in yr heart anymore .

But this is what i deserve . I dug my own grave , making you tired of me . And tts why you left . I am th cause of all this . I have no rights to complain to you , tts why now when im hurt , when im jealous , when im crying , when i feel unfairly treated , i wont tell you . I dont have th rights and i dont want you to feel tired again . No matter how painful i feel in my heart , no matter how bad my health is , i just keep it to myself . I dont want to become a burden to you .

You're th reason im staying here . I pray hard tt in this picture , there is only me and you and not another her . But i guess im slowly fading , becoming smaller in this picture . You ask me why i cant sleep , the reason is you . I think of you all night , i go to sleep at 2am / 3 am every morning , waking up at 7.30 or earlier every morning . Why ? Because i am thinking of you , dreaming of our future .

I stare at my phone always at home , because im waiting fr yr message . And when my phone vibrates , i wish it was you . And when its you , I smile to myself . because i know i still occupy tt space in you at tt moment . I guess i just love you too much , tt i want you all fr myself but i know tt its selfish , and i dont want to share you with anybody else . When you need someone , im always here and i wish tt when you want to talk to someone , im th first one tt comes to yr mind and not anybody else . But when you dont need me , its okay . I will wait till you need me , and i'll be there . Im always by yr side , you will always be in my heart . I promise

When I first met you , I never would have imagined that i would have such strong feelings for you . I never would have thought tt i would have dreams about you or miss being by yr side or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions yr name . When i first met you , i never would have thought that i would love you . But its a fact now tt i have very strong feelings for you , I have dreams about you and i miss being by yr side . I get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions yr name and its th truth tt I LOVE YOU .

Healed

15November2010



Baby , you really came back . And this time i promise I'll change . I'll change to be a stronger person , I'll change to trust you more , I'll change to be not easily jealous , I'll change to be a better person , for me and us . I promise I wont be easily bullied anymore , I know its for my own good . I know you did this to make me stronger . You meanie ): Make me so confused ! ): But its all th past now , lets create more memories and not turn back . I love you !!

050510 (L)



19November2010



Went to baby house in th morning to takecare of that lazy baby of mine ! ^^ hehe . MACDONALD BREAKFAST ! HAPPY MEAL ! ^^ HAHA !! <3 . Than went to bb house and webcam with ellis ^^ . hehe ! After tt went bishan with darling to buy contacts ! Tpy with girls after tt , than to ellis house ! It was raining , damm it . And we all ran and stroll in th rain ! ALL WET ! HEHE ! Hope you liked our surprise and th present ! HEHE !! Had talks and alot of unglam photo taking ! HEHE !! Pictures all in wen min's fb (: . Than cabbed home cause was rushing to tuition ! SMILES (:

And i would like to thank all th people we cared for me . Esp my dear matos and babes ! ^^ You guys motivated alot . thanks ! I LOVE YOU !

Giving

My heart is aching , why dont you know ? Why dont you just give me chance to touch you again ? Last night i dreamt tt you were so near but so far to reach . I guess it was all my fault , fr th failures of this relationship . 3 days , 3 nights . Sleepless nights . I promised tt i would be strong , but what to do . I just love you too much . And now i lost you . I saw alot of stuff tt made me jealous , but i cant be jealous because i dont have th rights to be anymore right ? I see couples on th streets , in th televisions , all around me but i could not do anything but just envy . Envy how happy they are , and looking at myself how pathetic . What could i say ? She is much prettier , she is perhaps more careful , less fussy, not easily jealous . And what am i compared to her ? Nothing . So what rights do i have to be jealous ? All i could do it swallow everything down my throat . Let my heartache , cry myself to sleep to escape from reality . But when i wake up , realiy is back .

I fell sick , but th first thing in my mind was still you . Are you alright ? Have you ate yr meals ? Whats wrong with you charmaine ? Who are you ? Will he know all this , will he even give you tt one more chance ? Why are you damm hell crying ?? No matter how much you cry , he wont turn back and give a hug anymore . You fell down , but he is not there to pull you back up anymore . You know all this , why are you hoping tt he will suddenly appear there to hug you or to even pull you back ? You told me you will keep my heart , you told me you will not throw it away , but you threw it back at me , broken .

But dear , i love you soo much . What am i going to do ? Become stronger ? But will you even want me back ? ..

Misery

Another day , another story . Somehow i wished you were by my side but i know its just not possible . Baby perhaps you dont know but actually , i kept an album full of our pictures . Lol , just tt i kept it safe x) Lol . Today i flipped it open , saw our memories from th first picture we took , th memories i wrote , My tears flows again . How sweet we were , can you remember ?
Today in novena , i saw th couples walking pass me , you just came back to my mind again . Than I saw their hands , it just somehow reminds me how you tried to hold my fr th first time . I saw how catherine and aston kissed , it just reminds me how you first kissed me . Somehow , my tears just fall again . I was limping , felicia was holding me , how i wished tt one holding me was you ..
Daddy asked me what happen to me , i dont know how to answer . He asked me how are thing between us , i could only say " Yeah , we're doing well " . Today i accidentally dropped my ss book and i saw th rainbow you drew fr me and you writing " Can i be yr rainbow forever ? " I cried .. Today I went to place we went often , th amk playground . I saw th swing and th flasback of you pushing me on th swing comes back again .. Again , i cried . I played "wonderful tonight" , it make me remember we trying to learn tt song on th piano and my tears fell into th piano keys ..
I made you tired , it was my fault . I am th cause of all this , i cant blame anyone . 11:11 , I just hope one day when i become stronger , you would come and ask me to be yours again . Tts my wish . You told me you were going to celebrate my birthday with me this year and not let me celebrate alone again and when i heard it was really thrilled but i guess this year is gonna be th same again . Dear , takecare of yrself alright ? Remember to eat ! ALWAYS DONT EAT ): . Must eat alright ? I love you .

Hurt

My heart is burning , my heart is breaking and now its gone . I can barely breathe , I can barely smile now but since i promised you i will . I just hope tt even we've gone seperate ways , someday you will back by my side . Perhaps my angel is gone , I seriously thought tt you will never let go of each other . I though tt out love was as strong as what we thought , but i guess sometimes i have just gone too overboard . I love you too much but i guess i just dont know how to love you , th way i love you is just wrong . That it got you too tired . I told myself not to cry but i just cant stop .
Promise me , Dont ever do anything stupid . Takecare of yrself alright ? Sick must go see doctor or else i will be very sad ): Do well fr yr Olevels .
I'll remember yr promises and I hope it will be fuffiled some day . My dear chicken , I'll wait . I'll wait till th day you come back to me , no matter how long . I will . I'll wait till i can be officially your's again . Because I believe .
Chicken , I love you too much . It has Overwhelmed what i thought it would be , Why does my heart hurt soo much ? I dont know ..

Only

Am i being unreasonable ? Making a big fuss over it .
Sometimes i wish tt i wont be so sensetive , I wish tt I can just let go of everything i see or hear but i cant . Perhaps its just because you mean so much to me , its just because i cant do anything without you anymore. You were always there fr me , regardless of how helpless i was , how busy you were . I guess some are just right , I dont know how to cherish you . I take YOU fr granted , always showing you my anger when im unhappy , always asking fr th thing you are unwilling to do . But sometimes i really just want you to care fr me more . Sometimes when i go mad in front of you , you always ask me why im so happy but i dont know how to answer yr questions , Because I am not happy . I just want you to see that im happy , i want yr impression of me will always be cheerful and strong and not vulnerable . Sometimes , when i see you with others , I get jealous but at th same time im doubtful of myself , Why can others give you th smile tt I've never gave you or seen in yr face when you're with me . You're just like a kite and im th string , i cant set you free . I guess i just dont want to because you mean so much to me .. But when i see tt smile i always wonder "If you're not tied down by me , perhaps you'll be happier " . I guess th way tt i love you is just th wrong way . Perhaps others are right , I dont deserve you at all .. But th biggest happiness that i had this whole year was tt when i found out tt i fell in love with you , th first kiss you gave , th first time you held my hand .. Tt sweetness , i dont know what to say . You melted me . But th fact is tt i love you too much . I really do .

Silly boy

Sunday 5/9/2010

Accompany my baby boy to do some revision fr his prelims , Hehe . From 1030 till 1 i guess :/ . HAHA , had a little tantrum but was alright after awhile , I promised baby . I will change to be a better person , attitude (: After tt baby gave a surprise !! HEHE , Aston's western food . DELICIOUS FOOD ! HEHE !! MUACKS ! (L)
Had a little shopping and wanted to get something but yeah in th end , nothing :/ . Its okay ! It was an enjoyable day baby ! You really made my day , I love you damm much !! \


Specially fr you ,
Darling , you've been a wonderful boyfr ! I dont know what will life be without you already , i have put my heart and soul into you .. You were always there to listen to my sorrows , comfort . And sometimes angry with me because I did something stupid . I know how you feel baby , Im sorry fr those moments . But i promise you , I'll change to the better . I will change to learn how to trust you wholeheartedly , not to get jealous easily , i will learn to brighten yr day even more . I love you fr who you are baby , you dont need those products to make yr face look better because i love you fr who you are not yr face . I love yr heart , i love you soul . Tts what capture me . Darling you , I hope you had a fun day ! I love how you tell me yr silly and cold jokes , yr expression is priceless ! HEHE ! But you know something ? Being loved by you , i feel so blessed . Darling , Happy fouth month-sary . I LOVE YOU !!

With lots of love ,
Charmaine .

25/8/2010
It was yr special day baby !! Hope you liked th presents (: . I tired to make it th best i could .
Wen Jie ,
Happy 17th birthday ! You've grown up one year again ! Even though we only know each other this year but i still hope you had an enjoyable and memorable birthday !
The chocolate : My love fr you is sweeter than this chocolate , it will melt yr heart and i promise , this chocolate has an expiry date but my love doesnt have it .
Glass of hearts : Thousands of heart specially done fr you , hope you loved it !! I LOVE YOU TT MUCH !! NO, I LOVE YOU MUCH MORE THAN THOSE HEARTS ! hehe , We shall punch tgt more of those hearts and feel it k ?
Brownie : Sweet , special . A replacement of a birthday cake since you dont want one .
Wallet : It will keep all our memories . When you bring it around , you will see me . Im right inside your heart tts why .
This wont be th last birthday I'll celebrate with you baby . I'll celebrate yr upcoming birthdays with you baby . I promise . lets forget those hurts and pains , and remember our sweetness and happiness . But those hurts made our relationship stronger . I love you .

Yours truly ,
Charmaine .

Common

Got back all my results except fr my english and dnt , massive review on monday (: Haha .
So overall is ,
H.Chinese : 30/50 (So disappointing ): )
Biology : 27/40
Chemistry : 14/40 (._.)
SS : 17/25
History: 19/25
Math : 22/40 (OMG !! I FINALLY PASS !! IMMA HAPPY GIRL !! )
POA :61/100 ( IMPROVED !! )
So overall , i passed all my subjects and i passed my combined science too , calculated . WEEEE ~ HEHE !! Sooo happy !! Hope my dnt and english wont be disappointing bahs . I put in alot of effort in it ): .

Had a busy weekend
Saturday
Went to meet baby fr study session in amk and headed fr our breakfast and lunch tgt . Was a fun day and we were racing tt we will reach jubilee first and I WON !! WAHAHAH !! But obvious he gave in to me but i am still happy ! HAHA . Had a h2h talk to baby is th bus on th way and tears poured again . Really glad tt i was frank to you about everything , its like a rock just flew away from my heart and i was glad tt you decided to walk on this path with me . Really , i was already prepared tt you will go . Baby , i hope you will accept this new me tt you just realise , i hope you would . Im sorry fr not telling you , i have my faults and difficulties . Thankyou fr understanding and still hug me tight and hold my hand till th end . I love you sooo much baby !! (L) Pictures on tt day are with baby , will upload as soon as i get them (:

Sunday
Met baby in th morning fr breakfast and decided tt we do a little revision as baby's prelims are in th corner . Haha , Had KFC fr breakfast . Waffles meal , american breakfast meal and porridge ala carte . Haha , Alot right ? LOL ! But we still managed to finish most of it , i less than half . HEHE !! I was too full to have lunch but my dear baby was complaining tt he was hungry . Tt silly boy of mine is sick and refuse to go home , sweetie . Just to accompany me . But he was feeeling better i guess , had h2h talk again . Lol . Get well soon my dear , exams are round th corner and study hard k !! I LOVE YOU !! (L)

Baby , your birthday is coming . BEWARE !! WAHAHA . HEHE .

Moodless

Got back my results today , Not tt bad . HAHA (:
Chemistry : 14/40 ( Okay , I know i failed this but yeah , I'll try hard ._. )
Biology : 27/40 ( NOT BAD (: )
Emath : 22/40 ( WEEEE !! I PASSED MY MATH LIKE FINALLY , HEHE !! (: )
POA : 60.8 / 100 (WEEEEE !! )
SS : 17/25 (Fucked up teacher , dont even teach th chapter finish exam ._. )


I guess tts all we get , still have 3 subjects haven get back . Hope i do well fr my chinese results . PLEASE ):

Hurt

I bet you dont even come to my blog anymore and other's . Its not yr fault either also , i dont update tts why i guess . But sometimes , im just selfish in love. I dont want you to look at any other girls except me , I know its selfish , I know aint those preety girls tt guys will glue their eyes on , And i know its also irresistable to look at them , so yah . But sometimes can you just keep yr eyes on me and see th sadness and fears in my eyes and try to give me a big hug and comfort me ?
Today , i said things tt hurt you . Im sorry . But i wish tt you understand that i dont want to be a burden to you , and i thought you would be happier . I didnt know it will hurt you , IM REALLY SORRY . Im just not aint strong as you think i am okay ? I hope you understand . I Love You really alot ,(L) .
Forgive me ,

Moods

Im sad , i dont feel good . Somehow help me >:

Time

This is my cutie , Candy . My lovable hamster that is my companion at home (L)
Tons of homework today , i shall go and rush now , Hehe . Toodles !! ^^
And and , I love you , Girlfriends and BABY !

Random

Im sad , i dont know why . I cried , i guess i was being emotional and just cant be optimistic anymore . Whats getting into me ? I feel so weak always , i feel like giving up . I browse through my memories and ask myself " Have i live my life to th fullest ? " And my answer is No . I have yet to do so many things ..
I love cranes , i love hearts , i love stars . Have been collecting and folding them daily , I wish that these can bring back me , i wish that maybe somehow you will notice that i really do need you sometimes when i say " Its okay .. " . But its alright , i know its alot to ask , Im not an not understanding person . I dont to become yr burden . I want yr memory of me to be a cheerful person , and lets stay tt way alright ?
My hamster , Candy . Is trying to cheer me up by walking around my table which is sooo cute ! I talk to her , am i crazy ? haha . Where has all my optimism gone ? I dont know how to do so anymore ;/ . I wish i can just cry it all out in one shot ..

Feels

When th sky darkens , i wish someone is here to be my sunshine . When im feeling down , i wish someone will be here to lend me yr shoulder to let me lie on and cry on . When im sick , i wish someone will be here to take good care of me . When im tired , i wish someone can comfort me and give me motivation . And im glad i have someone here , Baby . Thankyou fr everything you have done , im greatful really . You're a great boyfriend , splendid ! I love you (L) .

My blog is like dead but im just too lazy you know ? HAHA . have been studying alot , Common test 2 is like coming , lol . Currently taking a break , had a great time in school today , thanks to friends and boyfr . Haha . Pictures ? None . LOL !! Unless i sort of like dig out my zilian pictures . HEHE !! I want to watch a movie , damm it . But my condition doesnt allow me to do so ): . People who wants to be updated on me , just add me on facebook . Much more active there . LOL !! (: . Sorry ;/ .

Falling sick . My body gets weaker day by day . The sunshine touches my skin , i wish i could stay . Th raindrops falls on me , i wish i could play with it . But i dont think i can do it anymore though . Believing in God , that he will let me off of the toture . I beg him , to lemme be free . Im sick and tired , I just want to stay .

Entertainment

Currently in Daddy's office now . And since tt baby boy of mine wants me to post , i shall do one short post . Haha . Its eff-ing bored here . What to do ? Lol . I volunteered myself here and now im like digging a hole of misery fr myself . And lucky mummy is not here , or else it will be even worse . Beat tt . HAHA ! ^^
Yesterday was th last day at nanyang poly . Went there fr my last week of holiday to do some work there , HAHA !! It was fun , and sometimes challenging when i dont know how to do th thing which pissed me off . Burnt my hand on th first day , sway or what ?! HAHA . Did a temperatire sensor thingy and i brought it home ! HEHE ! It was really effing cool !! Love it ! Have a fun time with girls there too . When we have our picnics in th lecture room because its just too amazing boring . Like LOL ! (: Yesterday morning was a heavy downpour manns . TOO heavy . Did not know how to walk to nanyang poly . But still manage to make my way there . Like lol !! (:
Have not been seeing my baby boy fr a long time , i miss you alot dear ! ): . And school is going to reopen , less time to spend with you . Fucking sad ): . But its okay , like what dear said , " As long as our hearts are together " HEHE !! And i just love tt silly boy of mine !! Always putting th blame on himself , silly or what ? haha !! I Love You ! (L)

Lovely toodles ^^

Sorry

Heard a song , and decided to post this post and so , here i am .

Baby , Just wanted to say im sorry . I know , i am not a perfect one fr you but you still chose me . I know , fr you to fall in love with me , its just me being really lucky . Having you by my side always , im really grateful . Having you to wipe away my tears , im really happy . Having you to hold my hand , hug me and gimme yr kisses , I just have to say , im really one lucky girl to have you .
Im sorry , you have to put up with my temper sometimes .
Im sorry , you have to deal with my moodswings .
Im sorry , you have to put up with me because i get jealous easily . I promise , i will change . But its all because i love you just too much out of yr imagination .
Im sorry , i get upset over some little things sometimes .
Im sorry , I get unreasonable .
Im sorry , I cant be by yr side always like how you do .
Im sorry , My tears cant be controlled .
Im sorry , fr my negative thoughts tt make you so worried sometimes .
Im sorry , I get really mad sometimes . But its all because i really dont want to loose you to others .
Im sorry , I dont know how to make you happy .
Im sorry , I dont know how to let you feel safe but its true , you'll my one and only tt occupies my heart .
Im sorry , I promised not to drop a single tear but i still did .
Im sorry .
All you have done fr me , touches me everytime . I really am really happy when you first gave me th ring , just tt i dont know how to express how touch i am . Im sorry .
You might not know , you mean th world th me . Whenever you walk away or when we bid goodbye , I cant help it to let my tears drop because i miss you too much already . You mean so much to me tt i really dont want to loose you to anyone or anything . Im sorry , i cant do anything fr you . I can only give you my heart , my hugs , my kisses and me . I know , our first month gift isnt tt special or sweet its just worthless , but i did try my best . Hope you still liked it . I can give you only tt . But those things , are what you only have . I swear , after my first heartbreak , i never believed in everlasting . But when you came into my life with yr love , I believe in it again .
Baby boy , I Love You . (L)

Live

Holidays are such a bore :/ . So many things are just happening nowadays , conflicts , sweetness . One time good and one time bad , how you want me to deal with these things ? I really dont know what to do already . This family perhaps is just too complicated fr me . I tried bear with yr mood swings , i tried to bear with yr unreasonable screaming . But its just too much , Im sorry .
Haven been going out nowadays , so bored at home . But tomorrow perhaps meeting baby fr dinner or lunch bahs . Perhaps its just an hour or so or less or more but still , its with you . Therefore , it bring me back to smiles again . I have sooo many pictures to upload , but im sooo lazy to upload them . LOL !! With friends , boyfriend . AHHHHS ! LOL !!
Aunt ask me go pei her watch some musical drama . LOL ! boring , should i go ? Like LOL (: .
Alright bahs , i shall go and have my dinner now . Lovely toodles ! ^^

studies

Have been mugging at home with my books , its so bored . But go to work hard because in 3 months it will be EOY ! 3 months is not a long time you know ;/ . I got to do well before i become roasted pig as i get roasted by my parents . LOL (: .

Sweetheart tell me to update my blog so i shall do it , see i so sweet ^^ . HEHE ! Have been mugging fr math these few days and i shall move on and shall study my biology now . HEHE .

Tt baby of mine should be studying , Olevels lehhs baby !! Jiayous k ? CHARMAINE IS HEREFR YOU ! (L) haha !

Love my yellow full scap ! okay , tt was random . HAHA ^^ Maybe going out fr a movie date next thursday with my sweetheart ? haha , Hope i can make it . Had a hilarious conversation with catherine and michelle just now during breakfast and we were talking about insects ._. Haha , its spoils my appetite ;/ . But i still ate , or else tt naggy baby of mine will nag me non stop . haha . Cant wait to see my baby boy too , it has been so long since we met up silly ): . People think i have MIA frm th world but i haven okay ? HAHA ! Last week of june have to report to nanyang poly fr coursework from 9-6 ): . HAIS ! Have not been feeling well these few days ;/ .

I miss you baby .

L.O.V.E

Belated post 05 June 2010

Baby gave me another surprise at my house again , sooo sweet !! Gave my anniversary surprise and omg !! So sweet , almost burst into tears . Love you soooo much laogong (L) . Headed down to coffee bean at amk fr breakfast and headed to ochard after tt , we walked from ochard to somerset than somerset all th way back to far east , walked amost 7 hours continuosly tt day . My poor baby was complaining tt him leg was pain . HAHA . Had wanton mee fr lunch . After tt continue shopping ! After a long day , baby send me home . Hehe . Had jokes and fun along th way . My cutie baby !!

A post specially dedicated fr you silly boy .
Happy first monthsary baby !! It has been a long and fun day with you my love . You're just like another star struck into my life . All th promises you made to me , i believe tt they are true my dear . Because of you , i believe in this again , i never believed in everlasting ever since my first heartbreak but now because of you , you made me believe it again not only with yr words but with yr actions too . Something tt will bond us together , love and our hearts . Dearest , how are you going to let me get out of this love struck ever ? I guess i'll never want to get out of this love struck , because there is you in it . The perfect one fr me . Im sorry fr th times when we were unhappy with each other fr a moment of time , and i thank you fr always being there even when times were really bad and you always manage to settle th problems and conflicts between us . baby , nothing can describe just how wonderful you are , i can never ask fr more anymore . My dear , I love you .

"Th everlasting flow of love is not just because of me , mostly its because of yr understand love and care tt is like th source of life to me . "

Mad

Caught this picture in baby's fb . It really brings back alot of memories . Haha . Of course there are still alot of pictures but im lazy to upload it ;/ HAHA .

See tt baby boy of mine ? Isnt he just such a cutie ! Hehe . Thinking back of th times when we were only friends , slowly coming closer to this stage tt make me love you much more than how i love myself . Couting down to our first month . Still remember our first date , tt innocence and nothing but just wanting to hold my hand . Its soo madly sweet . Remember th times you will rush to my house when im down , it always melt my heart . Rememeber th times when you rush down to my house to tc of me when no one was there when im sick , forcing me to sleep . haha . I also remember th times when you run after me just to poke me and always succeed . HAHA ! I also can think of times when you catch hold of th clumsy me when i always fall in th mrt x) . But im also sorry of times when you have to take in th lousy attitude of mine when i have mood swings . Thinking of times when you will sweep me off my feet and carry me around to cheer me up . I also rememeber th first time i had a major breakdown infront of you , when you lend me yr shoulder to cry on , when you hugged me all th way to cool me down and tell me to cry it all out . I also can remember our first night together when we both lie down while i lie on you , watching th stars in th night . I also remember our first dinner together , how hilarious it was . All these memories are really locked up in my heart . How much we miss each other by just parting fr one minute , i remember too . Baby , you came into my life and gave me a new smile on my face , curing all my heartbreaks . I can never ask anymore when i have you already . Baby , I love you . (L)

listen

Its early in th morning and i doubt tt peeps are awake yet . Haha (: .
Yesterday went fr my shopping spree again in ochard ._. HAHA !! But its with mummy , i can only say , Average . Went to watch th prince of persia . RATINGS : 5 stars !! So nice . Haha , after went to shopping and went to meet peeps after tt fr jack's bday dinner . Haha . Im going broke ): . HAHA ! Th food wasnt tt good at sakura buffet , Lol . Had fun desel-ing bryan wu (: HAHA !! Had fun with peeps too . We were like spamming sushi !! HEHE . Ate alot , i think im growing fat ): HAHA .
Alright , i think i shall be going to prepare to go back to sleep in my warm bed ! HAHA .
Lovely toodles ^^

Falling

Saturday
Left th house at 12 plus and headed to amk with baby . Thanks for th surprise worhs dear , its really a SURPRISE !! HAHA (: . Went to have kfc fr lunch and ate quite alot ;x . After tt headed down to amk and walked around and bought a top ^^ . After tt went to amk hub and shop shop shop , haha . Bought one pair of shoes from rubi . After tt tour hub again and headed down to fairprice to get alcohol for jiyeon's farewell bbq . HAHA <: . But could find ._. So after tt met ellis tgt with vanessa and went to get alcohol again . HAHA. After tt trained down to bishan and met jiyeon and others too . After tt headed to risky's condo , th gardens . I swear its fucking chio !! LOL (: . After tt got a little drunk ;x . HAHA . Had a major breakdown due to some personal probs ): infront of baby . After tt baby piggyback me so manny times ! HOHOHO ! Homed at 10 , daddy came to fetch me .
Pictures in facebook .

Sunday
Woke up quite early today . Went to had breakfast and headed down to bugis and after tt headed to 313 and bought two tops ^^ . After tt went to far east plaza and bought a bag after headed down to Ion ochard than ngee ann city than OG than to post office than to plaza singapura and bought some food and hair accesories and nails accesories . Had a mega shopping !! LOL (: Shop from morning 11am till night 8 . Haha . Like mad only right ? LOL .

Signing off already , lovely toodles ^^

Iloveyou , baby .

Pissed

Fucked up results , fucked up parents , fucked up life .
If you dont like me like tt , no one ask you accept me . Want me to dont live in yr house and want to throw me out ? Be my guest . Putting all th blame on me when i did not even do anything ? Whats yr problem seriously ? Spoil my holidays , you happy isit ?! WHEN ITS NOT EVEN MY FUCKING FAULT ! You want to screw yr own life , go ahead and screw it . Dont you dare mess with my life , dont you dare to ask me do what and what and what you like AND NOT WHAT I LIKE !? Making me pissed off on my holiday , thankyou seriously . I was in a wonderful mood today ready to enjoy my shopping spree today and now you make me really dont even have th mood to fucking leave the house !? You say im not yr daughter anymore , FINE ! IM NOT !? What ? Say im not yr biological daughter , fine . I ACCEPT IT ! Seriously , i had enough . Im out of here . Today , you made me drop enough tears what about tmr ? Somemore isit ?! Enough is enough , I HAD ENOUGH !?

Sweetest

Got back some of my overall results . SUUCKY . Really got to work hard ): . Going to chiong during june holiday , i maybe spamming my phone calling people to teach me do this and tt .. LOL . I know tts very evil of me but i cant help it . HEHE .
My dear boyfriend says he is going to gimme a surprise on our first month , hehe . He gave me clues but i just cant think of anything ): .Meanie ! Keep me in suspence . HAHA (: . But i still love you soooo much!!
Just talked to baby on th phone not long ago , going to bathe soon . Waiting for th water heater to gooo hot ! HAHA . even though th weather is so damm hot . Its going to be short post , pictures next time .Going out soon , toodles ^^

Gaining

Mid year is like finally over !! WOOHOOO !! HEHE (: . Like finally , but results are coming back one by one . DAMM IT ?! LOL (: . Scored fairly for midyears i guess EXCEPT MY MATH ! Alright , i've made up my mind . Im going to be goodfriends with math and do well in it soon enough :x ! HEHE ! Here are th overall results :
English : C5
Math : D7
D&T : A2
Higher CL : A2
History : A2
Just got back these papers today .I know its kinda screwed up for my english thanks to my CA results so pulled down th whole thing same as my math , its kinda screw up too x) HEHE ! Math too , but at least now im a D7 student ! AINT A F9 anymore ! its kinda optimistic but still yarhs , im still trying k ^^ . HAHA ! Alright , im going to be a good girl and do some revision during june holidays even though i know i'll be playing away ~ HAHA (: . But who cares ?! ITS HOLIDAY !! HAO ! HEHE (: . Kk , i will study . HAHA . Had a long day today , school , tuition , home , dinner , revision and whats next ? SLEEP ! HAHA ^^ . Im sucha pig right ? HEHE . Because i am lahh , lol !! Need to change my blog song but i cant think of one , hehe !! How about classical ? Okay , tts going to be a little boring . HEHE ! Im going broke nowadays , have been eating and spending alot of money on food nowadays ! OMG ! IM GROWING FAT ): . LOL ! I just realise something , during exam due to stress i loose weight and when i study i gain weight . JUST BECAUSE I START EATING WHEN I SIT DOWN AND STUDY ! LOL (: OMG ! HEHE ! Alright , im going back to do some revision already . Toodles readers ^^ .

Ohmy , I just love that sweet boyfr of mine (L)

Nothing last

Had a long day out with baby and xc . Met baby at amk library at 12.20 and xc came at 1 plus and both of them taught me math . Thanks manns ! After tt went to have lunch at amk foodcourt , so crowded . HEHE ! After lunch , went to have a walk around hub and it lasted around one hour plus unexpectedly . Haha . Bought a pink ribbon hairband , it was just too chio to me !! Haha , after tt went back to macdonald to study as th library was just too cold . hehe ^^ . And i ate again ._. Choco sundae . LOL (: . Studied and studied till 5 and daddy came to pick me home as dinner was cooked for me at grandma house and dont want her to be disappointed and so yearhs , i went home . HAHA (: . Had much fun and learned alot of new knowledge . Pictures are with baby , will have a direct link once i catch hold of th pictures .
Left with 3 papers , exam will be over by tuesday . Lovely ! Going to continue with my biology already . Toodles ^^ !!
Omg , my stomach is in pain ): .

You healed tt broken heart of mine , gave it a new look and caught hold of it .

Dreamland

Had not been posting for a week ! Have been busy studting of MYE th pass few days ! And finally after one week of intense studying , I think i'll be able to pass all my subjects !! Hehe ! Really got to say a big thankyou to baby for pei-ing me study and teaching me with so much patience even though i took me a long long long time to understand but still thankyou !! (L) For th first time , i actually feel that math paper 1 was quite easy ! OMG !! LOL ! Only tt i got some questions tt i dont know . And i finally understand my balance sheet for my poa thanks to NABILAH (: and my chemistry too ! HAHA ! *insert winks* ,
Still got three more papers to go , math paper 2 , biology and dnt . I shall continue to mug till next monday and its all over ! HEHE ! Last paper on tuesday . Cant wait to have a totally relax weekend ! Like finally and i want to catch a movie ! Asap , it has been so long since i stepped into a cinema , two months ago was th last time . HAHA (: .
Yesterday went to have long johns breakfast with girlfriends after chemistry paper and after tt baby came and went to have a long long long day with him . HAHA ! Went to his house , and after tt cabbed home . Sadly , had a huge arguement with mummy but settled out things today . Im really tired of all this , hope you understand mummy . After th arguement had a major breakdown , poor eyes of mine . Baby came to find me again after major breakdown cause i was really feeling very down , its just so sweet of you baby ! (L). After long hourse of omfort , finally he made me laugh ! HAHA ! Tickle me somemore ahs ? Next time my turn ^^ . HEHE ! Had an early night , slept around 9 plus ? Was just toooo tired ): .Woke up at 8 today morning , pig or what ? LOL ! After such a long and wordy post , i shall go back and study like AGAIN ! haha .
Lovely toodles ^^ .

You made my heart skipped a beat , (L)

Journey

I never expected much from you /. I just want th basic respect and th tender love you guys used to give me . I dont need branded items or th best food . I just want tt motherly and fatherly love you used to give me . I really miss the times when guys will laugh at my jokes and i really miss th times when you give me comforts when im down , give me encouragement when i fail my exams and tell me to do better , telling me tt " heys , well done" when i do well and especially , I miss th feeling of HOME . Because now you only say tt im stupid when i say my jokes , when im down you just shut me out of yr heart , when i fail my exams , you blame and scold me .
You guys are always argueing non stop , Im tired of it . When i do well in my exams or other tests , you guys will just tell me " why isit not a perfect score ? " When i fail my exams you hit my hard in my heart by telling me " you just dont have th brains" . And now , this home is just a place for me to sleep in .
I can never cry in front of you guys again , I can never hear those compliments from you again , i can never feel th Love from you guys again , i can only hope for it to happen .. I can never tell anyone how i feel because I dont know how . I cant let my tears fall in front because i never showed anyone such a weak side of me . I just hope you two know tt you guys were really once a loving parent tt i can never have any complains . But ever since i was 7 , you guys changed totally . Im put in th hands of somebody else and not you two . I just want you to know tt Im not as strong as you think i am , but no matter how strong am i , i still have th weakest side of me . Me too , have a vulnerable side . But you know what ? I can never show tt vulnerable side of me to anyone ...
If you guys say tt you guys did yr duty as parents , i can just say tt whatever you think . I dont bother anymore . Settle yr problems yrself , dont only come to me when you have no one to go to because im th last on yr list . Im really disappointed tt im th last on yr list but its a fact already . I cant change anything . Im really depressed , but you guys think tt i am just sooo strong but you know whats th fact ? Im really depressed , im really tired , im really very vulnerable . Im helpless of what to do already , i can only let my tears down when you two are in yr sleep and im awake letting my tears drop . I hate how much i really believe in you guys tt one day you will proudly say " Yes , she is my daughter " but you know what ? You guys never said it , not even once . Perhaps im just sucha disgrace to you guys , i understand and from now on i will accept this fact and not have false hopes on you guys tt you will proudly tell peeps tt im yr daughter . Im just too tired ..

I cried , but you never noticed .

Timeless

dont my dear baby look like he wants to cry ? :c

Had a day out with baby yesterday . Went to bishan library to study , and guess what ? I really did , hehe . Shit it ! Should have take a candid shot of him and post it here but unforutunately i failed ): HEHE ! After studying , decided to have our lunch ! Headed to j8 , went to pizza hut , no space ! headed to pastamania , full house ! Haha , but i was craving for pizza hut ): . Hence , tt sweet baby of mine thought of going to amk's pizza hut for lunch ! Pei me all th way there just to sastify my craving , thanks baby ! You're so sweet ! HEHE (L) . Had our orders and i just found out something , baby is mad over pizza hut's cheese ! HAHA !! He was like spamming it in his spaghetti ! HAHA ! And i was little bit stunned . LOL ! But who knows , it started to rain ): . But we still managed to walk in th shelter all th way to amk hub . Not bad , haha ! My poor baby was little drenched , heart pain ): . After tt my aunt phoned me so decided to meet her and bid goodbye to my baby ! (L)

Pei aunt all th way to tampiness and met grandma there to buy grandma's mother day present . hehe , aunt bought her a jade bracelet and i bought her a top . haha ! Not bad ,veeko's . After tt shop shop shop till 9 plus and headed home . Had a h2h talk all th way from 11.30 till 1 am in th morning . Had a little heartbreak for a moment , but its okay , i forgive ! LOL , dont feel guitly already k baby ? Sweetest dreams at 1.20 am ^^ .

Going to celebrate mothers day later with mummy ! Wishing all mothers on earth , happy mothers day !! I LOVE YOU MUMMY !! Hope you like yr mother's day present !

Going out already , lovely toodles ^^ .

5th , you're my luv .

Memo

Cant believe it , its only 3 hours since i last saw you .

But im missing you already till im going mad . Its like not seeing you for one moment , i could go mad . You blow up my mind .

My love for you isnt just so simple , it aint complicated too .

Its just simply up to you to put up th pieces too .

My love , I miss you ); ....

I love you 5th .

Lovable

Its just simply , I love you my dear boyfriend .

050510.0815 .

I'll never forget what happen tt day , when you asked me to be yours .

Th sweet and tender feeling coming from yr love , i felt .

It is just like a tattoo within me . Baby , I love you (L) .

Mystery

My love doesnt have any complications , its just like any other's love ..
My heart is not complicated , its justs a little weak sometimes ..

Today went to school per normal , nothing much happened .
CANT BELIEVE IT ! I actually finish two papers of math , one worksheet of poa and one worksheet of ss and passed my history class test !! SO HAPPY !! Weee ! It just feels so great to do yr work well , doesnt it ? hehe ! I shall continue being like tt and I'll succeed in getting my good grades right ? ;/ . cant believe it but im aiming for 11 points for my L1R5 including deductiong my higher chinese points and cca points !! LOL (: ! JYJY CHAR !! LOL (: have been having mood swings ): . I shall go and continue to work hard perhaps , i hoped i did not screwed up my mother tongue paper ): or else how am i going to get my L1R5 !! Damm it ): . Lovely toodles !

Clueless

Currently mugging on my books . Chemistry , hehe . Just too bored , have been having mood swings too ): . Sorry peeps who have to tolerate with it !! ): . Have been crushing alot of papers and my table is still not organised yet !! Damm it ?!
Forget it , shall pack it after exams . Its gonna be messy again later right ? So i'll just make it organised now and LATER neat and organised . HEHE (: Need to going stationary shopping later , some my of pens are running out of ink !! And get a new file , HOT PINK OF COURSE ! Hehe (: Alright , i shall not bullshit anymore . hehe .
Toodles ^^

Whenever you look into my eyes , tell me tt you love me . Everything would be fine .

Untidy

OMG !! Since th moment i step into my room this morning , i got th shock of my life ! HEHE ! It was just so messy x) I really need to pack , mum has been nagging about it too . Stacks of books piled up , stationary, full scap paper all around my table and a whole bunch of notes waiting to be oragnised done by me x) . hehe ! i think i need a bigger table ): HEHE !! Th problem is now i need find a place to hide my books . haha !! I think this ladtop of mine is taking a big big space ! But nevermind , its my source of energy !! HEHE !
Alright , i shall get going to organise my table x) Will post a picture of my before and after results k ? I bet you guys would get a damm shock of how messy my table can be during examination period x) HEHE !! Had been chiong-ing my math . LOL , cant believe it right ? But no choice , i want to do well in my Os !! I NEED TO GET INTO A JC !? HAHA (:
Ehem , Somebody . Better must study more on yr chinese horhs !! You promise already one horhs , must keep yr promise . Will try help you if i can . Do yr best alright ?? Jyjy luv !
So tired now but no choice , after my packing my room . I SHALL GO BACK TO SLEEP ! OMG ! Im sucha pig , hehe . Got woken by th horrible sun ): hehe . But i have math tuition later ): SUCKY !! HATE THIS ! ARGH?! Why must tuition even exist in the world ?! Hehe ! AND WHY MUST MATH EVEN EXIST ?! HATE IT ): HEHE !! Alright alright , i need to get back to work already , hehe . Lovely toodles ^^ !
My dearest , I love you ttm .

Love

If only i could be cuddled in yr arms now .
If only i could feel th touch of yr skin , th tender love i feel from it .
If only i could scream yr name loudly , telling you how much i miss you .
If only i could tell them how much i love you .
If only i could say to everyone tt ask , " yes , i belong to him " ..

Nothing ever stopped me from sinking deeper into this love stream . Once , i tried to let go but i just couldn't . I like th way you look into my eyes , its just like another travel machine . Making me to travel into th yr heart . Now i can finally say , i belong with you (L) . My sweetest love , i love you .

Right round

It has been such a looonnnggg time since i posted in th dead dead dead dead dead blog !!! hehe , since SOMEBODY asked me post , i shall be a good girl and listen ^^ .
OMG! So high but now but who cares ? Maybe meeting my sister tomorrow to study , cant wait to see you . It has been soooooo long since we met . hehe ! Hmmm , lets catch up with alot of things dear ! Hehe .
Totally screwed up my mother tongue paper 2 . Left one question blank and th paper was so fcuking hard !! OMG ! After tt went home by 3.30 . Hehe , so tired . But hope can do well bahs !! I want my distinction ): HEHE ! Will study hard to do it derhs , i shall be a good girl . On facebook now , hehe . Disturbing deon now , haha ! How dare you call me immature ! ): . Make me so sad , go one corner draw circle ): . HEHE !!

Dearest love , yr love just make my world go mad . I love you .
I believe , tt you will stay .

Entertainment

You were like th raindrop in my drought , luv .
Problems and conflicts are finally solved . Another stone of my chest .
Now having dnt in it resource room , obviously im using th lappy ! haha , i know imma bad girl but im still a guai kia k ? HEHE (:
Today met matos in prime and i was on time ! hehe , i think its th first time when we can walk into school peacefully without worrying whether we would be late anot , haha . Im just toooo bored now ): lol . Nothing to do , finised my ideations and now moving on to ergonomics for dnt . Cant even find any other resources . HAIS ! Shall work harder on it , hehe . Going to take class photo later and my hair sucks today ! unlucky or what ?! hehe . Midyear exams are coming , going to study damm hard !! omg , hehe (:
Perhaps will be coming back to blog again later bahs , lovely toodles ^^ .

You held my hand tight throughout th darkest time of my life , you were like th rainbow tt came out after th rainy day . Finally i could say , Iloveyou (L) .

Moodless

There is a kind of love called breaking up .
Its already enough . I dont want to scream again , take away th pain i feel . It has been a long time since i felt this way again . Seeing you guys together , i can only feel th ache in my heart . Seeing yr smile whenever you are with her , i guess i made th right choice to really step out . I really did trust in love one more time when i was with you , but i guess i made a wrong choice . I know sometimes i might be harsh to you but its because i dont want you to get close to me . Because i dont want to feel th pain even more .
In front of you , i pretend im okayy . But behind yr back , all my tears flow . What hurts th most , was being so close . Having so much to say , and watching you walk away was th most painful part of everything . It hard to deal to deal with pain tt is approaching , seeing you with her . Thats why i refuse to go close to you again . You might think tt im unhappy with you but actually im not . Im just trying to avoid you . Perhaps i made th right choice to keep quiet and let you two be it . because i know i'll never be th one tt you will have in yr arms again .

Yesterday after school went to have breakfast with matos first than went to look with willyn . Had alot of fun talking ! Haha , will meet up with you again my dear ! ^^ . After went to childcare , cant believe i actually played with dough ._. HAHA ! But it was fun ! LOL ! Did not take any pictures cause was too busy ): . After went back to school for speech day , weiyang was so funny !! HAHA (: . After tt stayed in school till 8 and went home cause wasnt feeling well really . Head was killing me too .. Going to stay at home to study and rest .

You two really look compatible together , you have my blessings ..

Hurt

Me too , wants to loved by someone dearly . Me too , wants a hug when im down . Me too , wants you to say tt "She's mine " . But i know this will never happen . I want to be th rose tt shines the brightest in yr garden . Sadly , i cant .
Do you even know i cried ? Do you even know how many tears dropped ? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MY HEART BLEEDS ?! Do you even know how my heart feels ? Do you even know i fell damm sick thanks to you ? Do you even know how i really FUCKING feel ?!
I give up really , i give up in everything . Being so stressed up because of this , i cant help but to let my tears flow again and again . If only i can scream it all out in one shot but sadly i cant . I only can keep every single feeling to myself . Everytime i see you , i hold on to my tears . And after let everything out when no one is there . One fine day really , i'll fall into depression again . Its already predicted . Trust me , its only a matter of time when i really cant take any of these anymore .
I fell sick because of this fucking matter too . Really , its a sooner or later thing tt my heart really tears apart . I dont know how long more can i control myself . Relying on th bloody medicine to keep me alive now . Relying on yr voice to give me energy to move on . Always laughing and being happy at th outside but do you know ? Th soul inside me is crying and sobing every second. Yes , in everyone's eyes , IM TH BAD GUY ! But th fact is tt , imma victim too ..

Boredom

Just ended tuition , going to do my dnt now . Tired but no choice yeap ?
Meeting matos at 8.15 tmr . Love wednesdays !! School starts late and tts th only reason :) HEHE ! Gimme inspiration for dnt manns ! Cant think of anything ):
Toodles ! ^^

Sucky

Perhaps you're right . Imma bitch tt couldnt be let into yr life .
You really dont know how yr words and speeches hurt me .

Secrets

Went to a childcare just now , hehe ! Had so much fun playing with th children ! All so adorable ! Cant wait to go there next friday ^^ . Gonna play with them more manns ! HAHA ! Did chicken dance and pasting of stuffy . HAHA ! I love them so much ! Having ss ip tomorrow . SIANS ! LOL ! See if i can go anot , see how i feel tmr bahs . LOL ! So tired now . Lol . Headaches is getting better i guess .
OMG ! I got 18/20 for my matrix test ! SO HAPPY !! hehe !! First time in my life , haha !! Cant keep smiling when i saw th paper . Going to study history now .
Shall upload pictures next time !
Lovely toodles ^^ .


Im just not good enough to be yours .

Life

Sometimes things just dont go th way tt you want it to go . And yeap , this is life . No choice . I'll pass through this hurdles , and be th real me again . Cheers to peeps tt cheer me up ! Thanks yeap ? ^^ .

Met matos at prime at 8.15 . Was on time and i remember to bring my sketchbook ! Hohoho ! After tt went for dnt class and i cant think of any other designs for my pushcart . OMG ! I old lerhs x) Hehe . damm blur today , left my water bottle at th parade square and had to go back to take it . Damm stupid sia . LOL ! Recess than emath . Had test , dont know how do some sums , perhaps i'll just border line pass or FAIL AGAIN ! LOL ! English class had fun talking to wenmin too . Poa was sleeping all th way cause my head was damm pain ! And after tt stomach cramp ._. Fcuk right ?! LOL ! After tt assembly , pon it but was caught . damm it ! Dont wanna talk about it . LOL .
After school waited for mum till 4.25 . Like finally she came ! LOL , thanks mainly to wenmin and van for pei-ing me ^^ . Hehe . After tt wenjie came back but i gtg already , LOL ! Yeap yeap , than mummy brought me to see th doctor . Blood pressure was low for a moment , hais ! Than when reach home after bathe had cold sweat , so ate all my medicine which made me damm drowsy . Lol , Not sure going school tmr anot . Hehe . Shall be going to do my work now , lol . Lovely toodles ^^ !

Th best part was tt th pain is too pain to describe .

Reality

Th truth of reality , it reminds me of what is happening in me . What i maybe when times pass , it reminds me of how weak i can be . I want to tell you I miss you but reality just doesnt let me , i want to tell you i want you but i know i cant anymore . Perhaps , we are just meant for each other . Nights and nights of tears , you dont notice .

Terrible

"It all seems to be like a dream , but th pain in my heart makes me know tt this really happened".

Everything is over now . I hoped tt i was just a nightmare but th tears tt drops my eyes reminds me tt this really had happened before . Th tears are just too stubborn , it just refuses to stop . I cried alone , i cried silently . Because im afraid tt you'll see this weak side of me . I want you to only remember th strong side of me , I want you to remember tt i am a crazy girl tt is optimistic to everything . I dont want you to see th weakest side of me , which is so pathetic . Yr memory of me will only be "Charmaine being th happiest girl on earth , she smiles at every single little thing , she laughs at everything she sees and even when she cries , it will be tears of laughter . " And not , " Charmaine cries too , she never smiled truthfully and when she cries , are tears of pain and hurt . "
I'll shall let yr memory of me , stop at th strongest side of me . Im sorry but , I guess i am just like any other human being . I laugh when im happy and sob when im down .
Why when i see yr teddybear and flowers tears will just start dropping ? Why cant these stubborn tears of mine listen to me ? Why does th sight of you makes me down again ?

God , take me out of misery . Take me away with you if you want , just dont let me live in such pain tt i cant express to anyone . Prayers to you are made and please grant my prayers .

Sleepless nights , my whole mind is our memories when we smiled , laughed , argued and loved ..

Liar

You may not know .
I've waited and waited but nothing came by me . Everything is going all wrong , too wrong . All the bullshit tt you told me , i dont believe anymore . How can tell me so many excuses when th conclusion is tt , You're wrong . Im utterly disappointed in you . It was my fault , to even give you chance again and again , Alright ? Sorry , I had enough . All these is tearing me apart . I cried for day and nights but did you even notice ? I am a fool to trust in these stuffy again . Let me go , please . Why must you leave everything to th last minute ? Your words are like millions of knifes snabbed into my heart . I hate you .

No points explaning already , i've got th facts right . Its too late .

Fear

Edited

I tried to run away there is just something keeping me back . Isit you ? Im terrified , by reality . I know how everything starts and ends but , perhaps im just too foolish .
A fool like me , so pathetic .
Yeap , you're right . It was all my fault alright ? How unreasonable can you be manns . I really dont want to say this but you are really a mistake , a horrible one . I dont know what to do anymore but i really just want to say you ASSHOLE !! ): .

My tears drops , but you weren't there to wipe it away for me .

Teardrops

Deeply hurt by yr cold actions , im clueless of what to do . Tell me what to do ? ;/ . This insecure feeling , i really just want to end everything but i cant do it cause i know how many tears will fall down my cheeks . I know my heart will hurt ttm . I know i will think of you every second then , i know how will i feel if i see you . Even if we were friends , i dont know how to face you . Why must you do this to me ? I keep on asking myself what did i do wrong to deserve this but nothing comes to my mind . Am i too lousy or what ? ): Please , if you had fun playing with my feelings , set me free NOW . I had enough , crying two days for you . My eyes are too painful but tears are still flowing . I dont want my sickness to come back again . It took me a long time to pass tt hurdle . Give me back my heart if you dont want it . Dont be selfish . You just dont know how to treasure me right ? I give you another chance , but if you dont treasure this chance . Im sorry , I'll do th worst and toture myself again . Its yr choice . To let me be happy , or kill me with misery .

Emotions , i just want someone to hold me tight in their arms and let me know tt from th bottom of their heart tt they love me for what mades me up and not what covers me . But you never appeared , i was too foolish to believe in love again . I give up .

Fustrated

Feel so fustrated and lousy today . Dont know why . Almost pick up a arguement with boyfriend again just now . Sorry sorry huney ): I really did not mean to show you this side of me just now . I did not do it on purpose . Thanks for understanding yeap ? (: Im really sorry . I'll try my best to avoid this from happening alright ?? Sorry , ILOVEYOU !
Yesterday me and bro stayed over my maternal side's grandma house . Haha , so sweet of daddy to go home and get my phone charger for me cause my phone was in low battery . HAHA ! (: Slept around 11.20 last night cause i was really too tired ! HAHA , JunHao and junyi stayed over too . Haha . Woke up around 9am today ? Feel like im sucha pig now . Haha . Woke up and watched two dvds with junhao , junyi and bro (: . Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 and New moon . Haha , was just too bored (: . OMG !! Never get sick of th show . Haha . Accidentally vent my anger on junhao too . Sorry yeap ? ): Did not mean it and thanks for th comforts too ! Goodluck for yr Olevels too yeap ? Haha (: So sad michelle , lawrence and catherine could not stay over ): Nevermind ! Next time we shall sleep over at michelle and lawrence's house , HAHA ! You owe us one yeap ? Hehe (: \ Went home around 1 plus and gonna go out with dad and mum later on (: .
OMG !! I went online just now and watched justin bieber's videos just now to cool myself down . HAHA , so cute !! I am so in love with him manns ! Haha (: Dont be jealous ahs huney xP HAHA !! Im just crazy of him , key and hyun joong ! OMG !! HAHA ! Im mad already . Lol . Alright , going to prepare to go out already . Lovely toodles ^^

Liar

All yr fcuking lies , all th bloody attitude of your's , yr fcuking horrible face . FUCK OFF ! Dont you dare mess with my life . I had enough of all yr fucking attitude and tolerating with you . I have my limits k ?! Being fooled by you once is enough , no more . Am not gonna fall for yr trap again , try harder . So just simply , SHIT YOU ! Just really SCRAM from my life .

Fcuking liar .


Am really pissed off right now , this moment , this damm second !!!

Mistake

Today went for cross country run . Haha , guess what ? I did not even run at all accept for th part me and wenmin ran to catch up with jr and szeting . HAHA !! walked all th way but it was still damm eff-ing hot kayy ? HAHA !!
After cross country went to amk mac with wenmin , jr and szeting to eat lunch and play swing !! LOL !! But i left around 12.3o liddat ? Had to rush home for tuition and for daddy ): . HAIS !! Luckily mum last minute let me go have lunch with them . Lol . Going to pack my bio file later , if i feel like it x) HAHA !
Damm it , th blister under my foot burst than bleed just now . SO pain ):):):): . Dont know tmr can wear shoe to school anot cause just now it hurt till i cried ): . Pictures are in wenmin blog , omg . I look so unglam . HAHA !! Dont give you all th link to see lahh x) HAHA !!
Alright , I shall be a good girl and arrange my file now (: Lovely toodles ^^

Can i say i dont trust you anymore ? Shit you .

Sweetest dreams

Firstly , congratulations aunty kethlyn for yr 1st baby ! Takecare of yrself and th lil' one in there ahs ! (: Haha , yeepee ! Gonna have another baby cousin . Haha .
Secondly for my tt playful and irratating little brother x) , Get well soon yeap ?? See lahh , play psp in th car until vomit . Take note of what you eat yarhs ? Dont anyhow just see what nice than eat ahs . Must take not , even thought you are still so damm skinny (envy ): ) haha , get well soon (:
Thirdly for daddy and mummy , dont be upset already . Things will turn out fine even there has been alot of problems at home recently !!
Fourthly , Cheerup already wenmin ? You'll always have me and others around for you . Just be happy and dont think about it already yeap ? Dont get pissed off cause of tt kind of person yarhs ? Love ya !!
And finally boyfriend , get well soon yeap ! (: Dont overstress yrself !!
School overall has been fine this two days just tt have been lacking of sleep these few sleep , my eyes are always heavy when th class just really get too boring esp math x) HAHA ! Today POA teacher got a little angry and after tt started joking again , so funny ! HAHA ! Shall someday take a photo and him and post it . Cause th way he teach sometimes are just simply so funny ! LOL ! Tomorrow going to do summary tt will be counted in ppr ): . Scared scared . Lol , shall try my best yarhs ? Have my points already . Heard tt will have poa test tmr but i dont even understand what to write ! Haha , nevermind . I shall give my best shot tomorrow yarhs ? Will study hard tonight . LOL .
Have been disturbing shannon papa in class recenly but its fun . HAHA ! Also have been having alot of fun with vanessa , ziying and siti in class too . Joking and always making fun of each other . HAHA !! Alright , i shall get on to do my work now and some revision !
Toodles ^^

Leisure

Wednesday went to amk hub with fiona to catch a movie together since we have not gone out with each other for sucha long time . So sad willyn couldn't come ): Caught "Being Human" since it was fiona's recomendation . Haha . It was humourous but i was in a "gong" state throughout th movie as there was alot of hokkien and i dont understand it . Luckily there were subtitles . Its a average movie but still to give it a rating , 3/5 (: Haha .

Today will be staying home perhaps but will be going for class later at 4 till 630 . I seriously dont have th mood to go for tt class . So bored ): And plus gonna need to do alot of work ): . Really need more sleep , have not been having goodnights recently . Panda eyes are getting darker , eyebags thicker . AHS ! ): .
Facebook-ing now . Haha , Mood have risen up abit recently ! Good good ! (: Boyfriend will be coming back to sg on saturday . Better be , dont want false info again . LOL .

Catherine , Im glad tt you saw th post and understand what i mean . Yeap , it takes time , i know . But remember im here always k ? Im also glad tt you know isnt worth of what you are doing for him . Throw him away and he isnt worth to be shit as shit still can be recycled and used as a fertiliser . Cheerup girl , Im here always ! Lovely .

Alright , Im going to have my lunch alright . Till then , Toodles ^^ !

Honestly , I feel like I am living no more ..

Actions

Your actions really hurt me alot . Dont you know how much you mean to me ? Accusing me ? Isit really tt fun ? It wasn't my fault at all in th first place . You knew how close we were , but you just let this random guy spoil everything between us . Even though we aint blood related sisters but we are much closer than tt , We shared everything since young . I never expected this out of you . Is this guy really worth you doing this btw ? It hurts me too seeing you like this . I really want to talk th wits out with you but i decided not to cause you just wont bother . We are absoulotely not like cousins , we are something much closer than this . I've nothing to say . I miss th times when Me , you , michelle , lawrence , jun yi and jun hao used to play . Now its only me with them without you , what is this ? Ask yrself dear , does this guy really worth it for you to give up everything ? He is just a playboy , like what you told me before : Its over , so be happy as you got this pile of useless shit out of yr life instead of being sad of a pile of shit . Isnt this what you told me ? Now its my turn to repeat this quote to you . Im really dissapointed with what you are now , i just hope you wake up k ? Dont keep yrself trap in yr room always . Go out , breathe some fresh air . No matter how much conflicts we had before , I'll forgive and forget . I just really hope you wake up my girl . I know its hard to let go and it hurts alot to be in this situation . I've been through what you are going through now girl . I know it hurts as if millions of knives have been stabbed into yr heart but you got to be strong alright girl ? You pass this test like how i have passed through it . Go all th way !!

Memories

Just woke up , its 11.05 in the morning . Happiness is surrounding me this morning just because i really had a goodnight sleep ^^ . Fixed my webcam too , hopefully it works (:
Scenery here is beautiful even though with th foggy atmosphere in th morning . Will be heading back to Singapore this evening because Eugene isnt feeling well . Caught th boat ticket at 5pm . Wont say he is spoiler as i really miss home too ): But we're suppose to go home on thursday but its okayy bahs . I miss my comfy bed , th bed here has a smell . Horrible one . HAHA ! Therefore , went to th sofa to catch a wink and suprisingly its quite comfy x) HAHA !
Forget to bring my phone charger , its like 20% remaining now ): But nevermind , shall borrow th charger from either daddy or mummy later . Haha . Sad to say its quite boring here , weather aint too good either . It has been raining very frequently , the sand is becoming like soil . Im sure i dont want to walk on it ):Yesterday went to a manicure with Mummy , Elaine and Aunty Jamie at a nearby shop near th hotel . Uncle Han and Daddy with Eugene went to do their own stuff . HAHA ! Went to nearby shops for a shop too (: After tt gathered infront of a halal restaurant for dinner . Food was great ! Best part was tt my sunburn from th previous sec3 camp at kota tinggi is hurting even more thanks to exposure of sun ): .
SG IM COMING HOME IN 4 HOURS ! HAHA ! Till then , Toodles !^^

Much Loves

Thanks wenmin for yr help when im away ! LOVE YA ! ^^
Profile and tagboard are at th bottom of th page . Sorry for th existing incoonvience . I'll try to fix it asap yeap ? (: Want songs in this blog ? Comment on my tag board yeap ? Lovely !(:

School is alright overall , results are all okayy except my english and math ):
Back to blogging (: HAHA
Will do somemore touch ups in this blog , and will not be too active in blogging too . HAHA !
But you guys wont mind right ? Hehe (: Life has been alright , had been a long time since i started blogging . LOL ! Heyy peeps ! Link me up yeas ? This is my new link ! HAHA !
And those who have new links , kindly leave a tag and i'll link you guys up !
Stuck at home today , need to take care of my brother ._. Want to get my ass out ! OMG ! LOL !
Missing my dearest boyfr too , damm you lahh evil ! Go back indo for so many days ): But its okayy , i understand . See ! I so understanding ! Dont say i bully you lerhs horhs . Hehe , Love love !
Miss school too , feel kinda weird not meeting up with peeps , so bored at home ):
Yesterday went out with michelle and did some shopping . Bought a pair of heels and new top for mummy actually at a good price ! Went home around 9pm . Any song recomendations ? Currently lack of it , of course , korean songs are in priority ! hehe (:
Meeting with michelle ! HAHA , after tt going to her house for piano class at 1oam . Hope it will be smooth today . Lovely doodles ! ^^
Will be setting off to bali at 11am .

Optimism covers me , Low emotions fills me . In this battlefield , i mean nothing to you .

New Love , new blog

hey readers ,
wenmin here to be th first one to post in this quiet blog .
this is CHARMAINE CHAN's blog .
http://www.romance-chemistry.blogspot.com/
gonna link charmaine's blog in my blog .

so if whoever blog hop here , know charmaine chan ?

please kindly leave a tag , if not just pass by here will do .

this blog will be under some construction when th owner's back .

thank you very much (:

byes ~